The Village Girl texts's Blog

A diary, a Journey, a meditation, a conversation through my life in 2010

(I don’t want you to love me…) May 16, 2010

Filed under: Love and Relationships,Love poems,Uncategorized — thevillagegirltexts @ 3:20 pm

I don’t want you to love me
when I’m fresh out of the shower,
I want you to love me
when I’m a mess in the mornings.

I don’t want you to love me
when I’m happy and succesful,
I want you to love
when I’m sad and hurting.

I don’t want you to love me
with diamonds rings and expensive gifts,
I don’t want you to love me
with candle light dinners or surprises.

I want you to love me every day,
I want you to love me with red roses
and love letters.
I want you to love me enough to make sacrifices.

I want you to love me
when I’m not wearing make up or expensive jewerly.
I want you to love me just the way I am,
I want you to love me with my flaws and weaknesses.
I want you to love my accent and my mistakes.

But most than anything, I need you to love me
with your heart.

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(I miss you)

Filed under: Love and Relationships,Love poems — thevillagegirltexts @ 2:16 pm
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I miss you, today,
and every day of my life.
I miss you on my cold mornings
and on my lonely nights.

I miss your eyes
when I need aproval.
I miss your hands
when I’m shaking.

I want to talk to you again,
I want to touch your face again,
I want to stare at you while you sleep.
I want you by my side when I’m with other people.

When you left you took my life with you.
When you left I lost my better half.
When you left me, you took my heart with you.
And now there’s something missing in my life.

I’m sad now because I don’t have you,
because I can never see you again,
because I can never be with you,
because you’ll never kiss me good night again,
because you are the only person I want next to me
but you are only on my mind!

 

Living without you

Filed under: Love and Relationships — thevillagegirltexts @ 2:09 pm

Living without you is like having half of my life taken away. When you left me I was helpless and alone. You were the only person that could make my life worth. I would talk to you in my mind and in my sleep. I had so many things to tell you and to ask you, but I had no way to hear from you ever again. I was sad because I could never see you laughing at my accent or getting mad at me for being late. I think about you every single day and night of my life. I wonder if you are my angel, I want to know that you were gone without pain, I want to know if it was really you who came to say good bye to me that night. I want to know how would our lives be now if you were alive.

I wanted to say sorry for being mean to you sometimes, for lying to you and say I didn’t want to marry you, when being with you was the only goal of my whole life. I’m sorry for saying I didn’t want to have babies with you, when I just wanted to give you a son with your same eyes and your same smile.

I miss you, I miss you every minute, every hour, every day of my life, and I’ll always miss you. Sometimes I think that if you are watching me, you are disappointed at me. If you can read my mind or my words you’ll understand that all the mistakes I made since you died and all the mistakes I’m doing right now is because not having you killed a part of myself. I know you told me that if I have been hurt I should stand up and keep living, is very hard for me.

I am two persons now, the one in my memories, with you by my side, and the one alone, without you by my side. I’m learning to live happy on my side without you and I’ll be happy because you are already a part of me.

 

What I’ve Learnt from Relationship Advices Books January 1, 2010

Filed under: Love and Relationships,Self-help books — thevillagegirltexts @ 4:07 pm
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In the last couple of months I found myself  reading quite a lot of relationship related books. “He’s just not that into you”, “Act like a lady, think like a man”, ” Why men marry bitches”… even “The Game” have been my main reading for some time. I’ve learnt a lot from all those books and I really look forward to read that kind of books.

The most important lesson I’ve learnt so far is that we are all different from each other, each man is a completely different person from other man. Even though we seem to attract the same kind of man, each relationship has its own pace and characteristics so it’s unrealistic to think that everything you read in every book will apply/help to your love life.

Something very interesting I’ve noticed from all the books and that I really appreciate is that they all tell us women to love ourselves more, to take care of ourselves and our needs and feelings rather than devoting ourselves to nursing men, that even after we are in a relationship. In every single book is said that we women are smart, loving, caring, self-sufficient beings, we are strong and deserve a good man to love us, and make us happy but not to complete us, because we are complete and perfect on our own. I love it when the main goal of the books are enlighten us and making us stronger.

In my own relationships experiences I noticed that I seem to attract very loving, passionate and romantic men, men who’d go out of their way to satisfy my needs, to make romantic date plans, to give me unforgettable experiences. I also realized that based on some hurtful love experiences from my past every time a relationship finishes, I tend to take more time to open up to new relationships, I take time to get to know people, I’m what some like to call “a bitch” when I first start dating men, but somewhere on the path to each relationship I do open up and become a very nice and loving person, and that’s when men usually change completely and become more interested on their own needs, forget about all the loving gestures they used to do and start treating me like they’d treat any other female friend. I know for a fact they still loved me and still cared about me, they’ve always been faithful and honest with me, as far as I know…but the way they express their love changes. By that time I’ve become very attached and needy and I don’t want the good times to finish, so I start acting different and usually drive them away.

So at this point of my life and starting my new year, I  don’t have a boyfriend, I do however love my countryside boy and I’m planning on keep reading those books one by one as many times as possible, not to learn to manipulate his feelings or of any other man for what matters, but rather to learn to control my feelings and the way I project my emotions. I want to be the same person I was when he met me, and try to listen to my head more than I listen to my heart.

In some other posts I can tell you all my different love stories and what I’ve learnt from each relationship advices books. I’ll really appreciate all your reading suggestions to keep growing.

 

Hello world!

Filed under: My 2010 — thevillagegirltexts @ 12:25 pm
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Happy New Year!!!!!!!! Today is the first day of 2010 and I’m finally realizing one of my dreams, to create my very own blog. I’m really happy to realize that wordpress is not blocked in China, and I find it very stimulating to start my year by doing one of the things I love the most, writing.

As I look back  at all the things that happened to me last year, I recognize I  was very pessimistic and I wasn’t happy at all with my year,  yes I finally graduated and got my bachelors in Contemporary Chinese (yay me!). I visited Mongolia, which is not at all my favorite countries in the world, but it was a very growing experience, it pushed me out of my expat bubble in Beijing, it made me be thankful for the things I have here and made me miss Beijing which I never thought I’d do. I had an amazing internship at the beginning of the year and it’s been so far one of the most rewarding and learning working opportunities I’ve had. I met very good people during this year, real good friends that came to stay forever in my life. I met my countryside boy and that’s one of the most beautiful things that happened during the year.

I did have some really hard times, the hardest in the last couple of years, I was unemployed and broke 90% of the year. I didn’t succeed on my relationship with someone I thought would choose me, but that led to me meeting my countryside so it wasn’t all bad news. I was very lonely and unhappy even when surrounded by people. For some mysterious reason all the important people in my life, stayed right next to me, supported me and loved me with all their hearts and they showed me how much they cared about me even on the gloomiest days. All in all I think the economic crisis was the thing that affected me the most and I would like to apologize to all the loving people in my life for being such a train wreck, for hurting them and for giving them for granted.

In this new year, I’m full of new energies and plans, I got a day job which is a great boost to my finances, it’ll keep me busy, it’ll allow me to support myself on my own for the very first time since graduating. It will keep me from making people crazy with my mood swings. During this year I’m also very hopeful to see two of my best friends coming back to Beijing, after years  and months without seen them, I’m looking forward to all our endless chats, to our shopping sprees, to our crazy girls night out, to listen to their street wisdom. During this year I’m also planning on improving my language knowledge, keep practising my Chinese and hopefully improving my almost forgotten French.

And one of the dearest things I wish to accomplish in this year, is to enjoy once and for all the amazing relationship I have with my countryside, to enjoy the simple moments we have because we never know when they’ll finish, to make him as happy as he’ s made me since I met him. If possible I’d like to move forward on our relationship, but in any case I’m happy just being with him and letting life unfold itself a day at a time.

For my own personal growth, I would like to finish reading the Bible (which I just started reading for the first time in my life), I like to keep writing and hopefully touching people’s life while doing it. I would like to find my lost faith. I would like to improve myself in every possible way while staying true to myself.

And last but no least, as I say on my “About me'” page, I want to “BREAK MY RULES” and be happy 🙂

Happy New Year to you all and I wish you the happiest moments in life!